Rogue's Angels Present The Gift of Maybe by Allison Carmen

Please welcome Allison Carmen author of The Gift of Maybe.

One randomly drawn commenter will receive an autographed copy of the book. One randomly drawn commenter will receive a $25 Amazon/BN GC. Prizes are awarded via rafflecopter.

Don't forget to use the rafflecopter code below for a chance to win.

The Gift of Maybe

by Allison Carmen

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INTERVIEW:

1. What or who inspired you to start writing?  

It all started in the self-help section in a Barnes & Noble in Manhattan about five years ago.  I was early for a meeting down the block and I thought I could escape the rain and read for a bit.  I pulled a book off the shelf written by one of my favorite authors and started to read it.  As I was reading, I did not feel very inspired and then by accident, I sneezed in the book.  For five minutes, I went back and forth trying to decide the proper etiquette for what I should do.  I thought to myself, “Do I actually need to buy this book that is not inspiring me just because I sneezed in it?”  Of course I bought the book.  But as I left the store, I thought to myself, “I bet if I wrote a book about Maybe and someone sneezed in it at Barnes & Noble, they would be more than happy to buy it!”  I gave myself a good laugh and left the store, but the seed was planted. A few months later at a business lunch, a publisher made me an offer to write the book.  That deal did not work out, but as I started to write, I realized how many people I could help by publishing a book about the mindset of Maybe.  For me, it has always been about helping people alleviate their suffering and I think this book has some great tools to do just that.

2. What elements are necessary components for this genre?

The Gift of Maybe is a self-help book.  I think the most important components of a book in this genre are honesty and compassion.  There are many people who emotionally suffer in this world and for a book to help alleviate their suffering, it must come from a place of high integrity and pure intention.  It should also give the reader a clear path to help alleviate their suffering and feel self empowered on their path.

3. How did you come up with your idea for your novel?

I was always worried about what would happen next in my life. If I didn’t know what was going to happen, I projected things would be bad or not work out.  At some point, I realized that I was addicted to certainty.  As I got older and my life became more complicated with work and children, this “need to know” created more stress and anxiety in my life.  I made enemies with uncertainty and no matter what I did I could not outrun the unknown future.  One day in the midst of my anxiety, I heard a Taoist story that changed everything.  It introduced me to the mindset of Maybe and helped me see that I was not stuck in my life. I realized that things might not always go as planned, but Maybe whatever I was experiencing was good, Maybe it would get better or Maybe I could accept my current circumstances and still be okay.  As I began to live in the realm of Maybe, my fears of the unknown dissolved and I established a new future filled with opportunities, a future which has me realizing many of the hopes and dreams I thought I’d sacrificed to worry long ago. In short, Maybe changed—and saved—my life and now I want to share it with as many people as possible to help them alleviate their suffering.

4. What expertise did you bring to your writing?  

I wrote from my own life experiences and those of my clients with the mindset of Maybe.   Maybe helps me with my stress and worry every day and gives me hope that more is possible in my life. 

5. What would you want your readers to know about you that might not be in your bio?

I am no different than anyone reading my book.  If I was able to alleviate my stress and worry about money, work, relationships and my children, then it is possible for most people to do the same with the mindset of Maybe. 

6. As far as your writing goes, what are your future plans?

I am writing a book about using the philosophy of Maybe in parenting. Maybe has enabled me to parent with less stress and more ease.  I am able to recognize that my children’s lives often are not determined by one moment and, even during tough times, Maybe everything will still be okay.  Of course there are imperative moments when our kids must listen to us, like taking a particular medicine if they are sick or mandatory safety provisions during certain activities. Yet much of what we believe is 
”imperative” is a story that we are writing in our minds making us believe that there is only one way for our children to have joyful and successful lives.  As we embrace Maybe, we remember parenting is a long road and our children’s well-being and futures are always filled with more opportunities and possibilities even when we can’t see them in the moment.  

7. Can you give us a sneak peak into this book? 

Here is a great exercise from the book to help your readers alleviate stress and worry with the mindset of Maybe.

Maybe It’s Okay

If we think about it, we can all identify a situation in our lives where we made ourselves sick with worry only to find out that everything is just fine now, if not better. These experiences help us understand Maybe.

Find a quiet moment to think about a time when you were feeling stressed and anxious about the way a situation would turn out, but in the end everything worked out in your favor. Perhaps, like me, you spent months worrying about a work review only to be told you were getting a promotion. Perhaps you were devastated when the man or woman you liked chose someone else, only to find that six months later you met the person of your dreams. Perhaps you were stressed because you lost your job, but it forced you to look at different opportunities, and now for the first time you enjoy what you are doing for a living.

Now think about a current situation, one that is causing you stress and worry. Write down a statement about how you feel about it. Are your worries and stressful thoughts absolute? Can you know for sure how things will turn out? If you are not certain, try to acknowledge that other possibilities may exist. How does this shift make you feel?

Next, challenge your statement with the idea of Maybe. Write down the following:

Maybe my beliefs about this situation are not true;

Maybe what is happening is good;

Maybe what’s happening can get better;

Maybe I can find a way to accept whatever I’m experiencing and still be all right;

Maybe, in time, I will know what to do next;

Maybe everything is fine.

You can phrase these statements in your own words or use only the ones that feel right. How does your situation seem now? Do you feel more hopeful? Do you see the possibility that your fears might not come true?

Try to review these statements a few times each day. If you can, add more Maybe statements that challenge your stress and worry about the current situation. Keep your attention on these Maybe statements over the next few days and see what happens to your fears and worries.

Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

8. What is the best and worst advice you ever received? (regarding writing or publishing)

Penguin Random House published The Gift of Maybe on November 4, 2015.  However, I originally self published my book.  Most people I knew in the publishing industry warned me to not self publish the book. At the time, I had a great agent and I had come close to a book deal with a few big publishing houses.  I tried to listen to their advice, but I wrote The Gift of Maybe to help people and I started to feel very uncomfortable waiting for someone else to tell me my work was good enough to share with others.  The moment I decided to self-publish was liberating and was one of the best decisions of my life.  I shared the book with tens of thousands of people, I became an active blogger and learned a lot about social media.  I think self-publishing is not for everyone, but it is a valid choice to have your voice heard in the world!

9. Do you outline your books or just start writing?

I just start writing.  I am an active blogger and I never know what I am going to write about each week until I start writing out some of my ideas or experiences.  It helps me express my thoughts and be more creative. 

10. Anything else you might want to add? 

The idea of Maybe is so simple and I challenge each of you to try it in your life.  The first time you are able to alleviate some of your stress and worry with this one simple word, you will find it truly liberating.  It will help you feel less emotional pain every day and allow you to feel more joy and seek new opportunities in your life. 

BLURB:

Allison Carmen spent many years fighting a powerful addiction. It wasn’t drugs, alcohol or fame. It was an addiction to certainty. If she didn’t know what the future would bring – and who does? – she felt anxious and afraid. This decades-long struggle followed her through college, marriage, parenthood, and a successful law career. While everything seemed fine from the outside, Allison was in a constant battle that was unwinnable, sapping her energy, attention, and spirit. Until the day she discovered The Gift of Maybe.

Maybe is a simple yet powerful philosophy that has transformed Allison’s life, and the life of her many clients (now that she has ditched her legal career and has become a successful life coach). The message is this: In the face of uncertainty, Maybe opens your mind and heart. It creates a little space for hope. It allows you to take a deep breath, stay in the present, and forge your own path.

Many things in life are beyond our control, but the mindset of Maybe presents a simple, powerful way to stay connected to what’s possible, and work to make it happen. It is just one change of perspective, but Maybe it changes everything!

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EXCERPT:

For most of my life, I had an addiction that no doctor could cure. This addiction caused me anxiety, depression, sleepless- ness, and sometimes such hopelessness that my next breath itself seemed a burden. My addiction wasn’t to alcohol or drugs. I wasn’t a shopaholic or a compulsive gambler. Yet this addiction almost destroyed me, and it afflicts millions of people around the world.

My addiction was to certainty. At every moment in my life, I desperately sought to know what was going to happen next. My need for certainty caused me to believe that the unexpected was always negative. I became devastated when- ever things took an unexpected turn because I believed it meant the life I had envisioned for myself was no longer possible. I continually sacrificed my goals and desires in an effort to feel safe and secure. Yet no matter what I did I could not escape uncertainty, and the choices I made in an effort to attain certainty always led to compromise and disappointment.

The symptoms of addiction to certainty are peculiar and particular to each person, but the common denominator is unnecessary suffering. In my case, I would lie awake at night in fear of what might be, unable to catch my breath and unable to control my mind’s chatter. Was my livelihood secure? Would my husband always love me? Could I afford my life? Were the stocks I invested in safe? Would my parents, children, and other family members stay well? Would there be a large-scale disaster in my city? Would I or would I

not get a raise this quarter? What would the results of my annual checkup be? This onslaught of sleeplessness and anxiety began taking a toll on my immune system and I actually started getting sick.

The need to know the future had gripped me as a teenager, and most of my twenties were spent in stress. In my thirties, though I was at the top of my career as an attorney, I was deeply unhappy and suffering physically. No doctor could identify my illness, but my symptoms included an array of infections, allergies, anxiety, and depression. So I turned to alternative medicine, meditation, acupuncture, and any other practice I thought might relieve my physical and emotional pain. I found some tools to ease my mind, but when a big issue or conflict infiltrated my life, I still spun out of control. I even went so far as to become best friends with a woman with psychic abilities in hopes she could lift the veil of uncertainty and tell me what the future had in store for me.

One day, still in the midst of pressing anxiety about the future, I went to see my Qigong teacher for a lesson. I related to him my tale of woe, and he responded with a simple story that, for me, changed everything.

Here is the story.

One day, a farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbor came by and said, “You have the worst luck.” The farmer replied to the neighbor, “Maybe.” The next day, the horse returned with five mares, and the neighbor came by and said, “You have the best luck.” The farmer replied, “Maybe.” The day after that, the farmer’s son was riding the horse and fell off and broke his leg, and the neighbor came by and said to the farmer, “You have the worst luck.” The farmer replied, “Maybe.” The next day, the army came looking to draft the boy for combat but he could not go because his leg was broken. The neighbor

came by and said, “You have the best luck.” Again the farmer

said, “Maybe.” I will remember the moment I heard this simple story for the rest of my life. It was in this moment that I was able to feel space in my breath. It was in this moment that, for the first time, I had a place to park my thoughts and just sit in a place called Maybe. In this place, it felt all right not to know the future, and suddenly I was filled with an inexplicable hope.

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Allison Carmen is a business consultant and life coach and the author of The Gift of Maybe, a book offering hope and possibility in uncertain times. Allison is a blogger for The Huffington Post and Psychology Today and she has been featured on Psychcentral.com, InnerSelf.com, LifeHacker.com, EnergyTimes.com, bookcountry.com and examiner.com.     She lives in New York City.

Twitter is @giftofmaybe https://twitter.com/giftofmaybe

Website is http://allisoncarmen.com/ 

Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Allison-Carmen/240188549364970?focus_composer=true

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-carmen/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-gift-maybe

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GIVEAWAY INFORMATION and RAFFLECOPTER CODE

One randomly drawn commenter will receive an autographed copy of the book. One randomly drawn commenter will receive a $25 Amazon/BN GC. Prizes are awarded via rafflecopter.

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/28e4345f1064